Wishing to Understand

Have you ever felt like there was something you were supposed to do… something huge, something incredible and important to yourself, that you were supposed to do soon but don’t know what it is?

I really, truly wish I could back up and explain everything that has happened the last few years that has lead to this moment. But there’s so much, so much behind a complex set of views at the time, so many changing philosophies and facts.

I suppose the easiest way to explain is that there was this old, old wound of mine that never really healed. A heart break I never, and still haven’t, gotten over. Tonight during a talk and walk in the rain, it came back.

The sensation was unlike anything I had ever felt in my entire life. It felt like… something found the crack that was left before and crushed it. Then it… fed, on the pain. It felt like something that wasn’t me. Like some triumphant hunter having found its prey.

Right now, it’s like I have all the general feelings of misery. But it’s not terrible. The worst part isn’t there.

I wish I understood…

One response to “Wishing to Understand

  1. Yes. That nagging feeling there was something you were supposed to do but at the time it just escaped you. What is worse is when you remember to send a request but for some reason its sent on a system that is never checked or responded too. Although, its not quite as bad as finding a note on your desk without the most important detail. I wonder what that detail could be?

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